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Mediation vs. Litigation: The Ultimate Showdown

(Spoiler: mediation totally wins.)

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Alexander S. Glassmann, Esq.

2/24/20256 min read

Note: All names appearing in this article have been changed to protect privacy.

There’s a story that’s often told about mediation. It’s a story about docile parties, compliant from the start; people who just can’t stomach conflict. A story where mediation is the tool of the timid, the safety net of the weak, the sidekick to the hero who’s too scared to face a real battle.

But it’s just a story.

And it’s time for a rewrite.

Meet Bob.

Bob is a recent client of mine. Bob and his soon-to-be ex-wife, Sally (names changed, of course), were the textbook definition of a high-conflict divorce. If someone in the courtroom had whispered the word “mediation,” their lawyers would have laughed.

Mediation? For Bob and Sally? A reconciliation strategy? Ha.

The only thing they agreed on was that they wanted to destroy each other. Their last “conversation” outside of court involved Bob throwing a coffee mug at Sally’s head.

Not exactly a hallmark of cooperation.

And yet—despite their lawyers’ skepticism, despite their mutual contempt—they came to me. And here’s the kicker: mediation worked.

Not instantly. Not easily. But it worked.

Bob and Sally walked away with an agreement that saved them money, spared them years of brutal litigation, and—shockingly—allowed them to co-parent without hiring private detectives to track each other’s every move.

Why?

Because mediation doesn’t pay warriors by the hour to prolong the battle. It invests in resolution.

For too long, mediation has been framed as a lowly “alternative” to litigation. But it’s time to settle this debate once and for all.

Let’s talk about what actually happens when mediation and litigation go head-to-head.

Myth #1: Mediation Only Works for Amicable Divorces

A lot of people hear the word “mediation,” notice it’s only one letter “t” away from the word “meditation,” and then assume that it could only be for super chill couples who hug it out and write joint parenting plans that make the world believe unicorns are real.

But as you’ve already heard—Bob and Sally weren’t unicorns. They were more like wolves.

So, was the fact that mediation worked for them a fluke?

So was their success in mediation just a fluke?

The research says no.

High-conflict mediation models—like structured shuttle mediation and videoconferencing—are proving highly effective for couples who don’t want to be in the same room or share a virtual space.[^1] And there’s an entire movement, led by Bill Eddy and the High Conflict Institute, advocating for mediation as the preferred approach in these cases. (See https://highconflictinstitute.com.)

Why?

Because litigation’s adversarial nature increases hostility, whereas mediation leads to better post-divorce relationships.[^2]

Future cooperation matters, especially for co-parents. The notion that conflict automatically precludes mediation isn’t just wrong—it’s the precise kind of myth that allows litigation to drive parents apart.

Myth #2: Mediation Can’t Handle Complex Finances

The idea that mediation is incapable of handling financial complexity is, unfortunately, just a self-serving narrative for those who profit from drawn-out litigation.

The reality?

Let’s talk about James.

James is a business owner with assets scattered across countries and tax shelters I can barely pronounce. He and his wife Nancy were facing a financial showdown so complicated it could’ve stood in for the series finale of HBO’s Succession.

Their lawyers insisted the only solution was forensic accountants—teams of them—working around the clock for months (if not years).

But guess what?

James and Nancy were smart enough to turn down their lawyers’ suggestion. What they sought was a neutral mediator who could ask the right questions, summon the right knowledge, and—most importantly—keep emotional drama from hijacking the process.

Through mediation, they settled the division of their multimillion-dollar estates, untangled stock options, and sorted out business valuations. And it was all bound up in an agreement package that made sense for both of them.

The best part?

Not only did it save them a fortune compared to litigation, but it also preserved their ability to speak to each other at their kids’ soccer games.

The truth is that high-net-worth clients often prefer mediation—not because it costs less, or because it grants them the flexibility and autonomy they value. High-net-worth individuals seek out mediation not because it’s “easy”—but because mediation gets results.

Myth #3: Mediation Costs as Much as Litigation

Let me paint you a picture.

Imagine you’re at a high-end restaurant. The waiter hands you the wine list and asks if you’re feeling indulgent. He suggests a rare, extravagant vintage called Litigation. Before you can even reply, he pops open a bottle and pours you a taste. You stifle a gag—aged in stress, bitterness, and prolonged court battles, the flavor is…intense. And after the meal, you’re confronted with the bill. The average contested divorce in the U.S. costs between $30,000 and $80,000—often climbing into six figures.[^3]

How would you feel? Would you ever return to such a restaurant? Would you feel compelled to write a negative review?

Or, imagine the scene restarting from the top—only this time, you, a refined and discerning diner, ask for another option. The waiter nods and presents Mediation—equally effective, with a much cleaner finish, only from a lesser-known region not as famous for wine.

The price? Between $4,000 and $12,000.

Compared to tens of thousands or six figures, that’s not just a savings. That’s an entire order of magnitude cheaper.

Not to mention the fact that litigation only resolves a small fraction of disputes through trial, whereas mediation settles divorce the vast majority of the time.[^4]

Myth #4: Mediation Takes Forever

Here’s a hard truth: litigation is slow on purpose.

Delay isn’t just a side effect of the legal system—it’s a business model for attorneys who bill by the hour.

Filing. Motions. Discovery. More motions. Postponements. Appeals.

For every legal maneuver, the clock ticks and the invoices pile up.

Meanwhile, mediation?

A typical divorce mediation resolves in three to six months.

A co-parenting mediation? Sometimes in a single afternoon.

For Sarah and Mark, a case that could have dragged on for years in court was wrapped up in four months. That’s not a typo. Four months, and they had a final agreement.[^5]

And the best part? Mediation isn’t just faster—it actually prevents future legal battles. Meta-analyses have found that mediated settlements lead to significantly lower post-divorce litigation rates.[^6]

Myth #5: Mediated Agreements Aren’t Enforceable

This claim is not only wrong but tragically persistent, likely because it feels intuitively correct. If your ex doesn’t respect a court order, the thinking goes, why would they respect a mediated agreement?

The answer is twofold.

First, mediated agreements, once signed and filed with the court, become legally binding contracts, enforceable just like any other court order.[^7]

Second, and more importantly, parties are more likely to follow a mediated agreement than obey a court order.

Why? Because they created the terms. Instead of a third-party judge telling them what to do, they own the solution. That’s why compliance rates for mediated agreements exceed those of litigated judgments.[^8]

So, when Chris and Linda (another pair who once couldn’t stand the sight of each other) signed their mediated agreement, they actually stuck to it. And when they hit a bump?

They worked through it—without ever setting foot in a courtroom.

The New Narrative

So, what’s your story going to be?

Is it the classic American Divorce Story—guns blazing, locked in a battle of attrition, forever losing ground?

Or are you willing to sit down, take a breath, and let mediation rewrite the script for you?

The choice is yours.

Just remember, the real heroes aren’t the ones who fight the longest—they’re the ones who find a way to end the war.

Interested in Mediation? Let’s Talk.

I offer a free 1-hour consultation. Schedule yours today.

📞 Text/Call: (612) 234-5357

📧 Email: clientcare@glassmannfamilycoaching.com

🌐 Website: www.glassmannfamilycoaching.com

Bibliography

Notes:

[1]: (Holtzworth-Munroe et al., 2021)

[2]: (Jacobs & Jaffe, 2010)

[3]: (Kelly, 1990)

[4]: (Werksman, 2008)

[5]: (Shaw, 2010)

[6]: (Shaw, 2008)

[7]: (Diathesopoulou, 2013)

[8]: (Burns, 1986)

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