Uhm, Can We Stay Together ... And Just Not Have Sex?

No sex long-term? Not a good idea.

12/22/20233 min read

red chili on pink surface
red chili on pink surface


Being in a relationship without engaging in sexual activity can be a challenging situation for many couples. While it is normal for stress factors and other life circumstances to temporarily impact a couple's sexual connection, it is important to address the issue rather than tolerate long-term sexlessness. Ignoring this aspect of a relationship can lead to negative consequences such as chronic resentment and contempt. In this article, we will discuss some conversation prompts that can help you and your partner navigate the frequency and quality of intimacy in a sexless relationship.

1. Open and Honest Communication

Effective communication is the foundation of any successful relationship. When it comes to discussing the frequency and quality of sex, it is crucial to approach the conversation with openness and honesty. Create a safe space where both partners feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and concerns without fear of judgment or criticism.

Start by acknowledging the importance of intimacy in a relationship and express your desire to address the issue together. Use "I" statements to express your own feelings and avoid blaming or accusing your partner. Encourage your partner to share their perspective and actively listen to their thoughts and concerns.

2. Explore the Underlying Reasons

Sexlessness in a relationship can stem from various underlying factors. It is essential to explore these reasons together to gain a deeper understanding of the situation. Some common factors that may contribute to a decrease in sexual activity include:

  • Stress from work or personal life

  • Health issues or physical discomfort

  • Emotional disconnection or unresolved conflicts

  • Lack of time or energy

  • Changes in libido or sexual desire

By identifying the root causes, you can work towards finding appropriate solutions or seeking professional help if necessary. Remember, this process requires patience and empathy towards each other's experiences and emotions.

3. Seek Professional Guidance

If you find it challenging to address the issue on your own, seeking the guidance of a professional can be immensely helpful. Consider relationship coaching as a means to navigate the complexities of a sexless relationship.

A relationship coach can provide a neutral and supportive environment for both partners to express their concerns and work towards finding solutions. They can also offer valuable insights, tools, and techniques to improve communication, rebuild intimacy, and enhance the overall quality of the relationship.

4. Prioritize Intimacy in Different Forms

While sexual intercourse is an important aspect of intimacy, it is not the only way to connect with your partner. In a sexless relationship, it becomes crucial to prioritize other forms of intimacy that can strengthen the emotional bond between you and your partner.

Engage in activities that foster emotional connection, such as spending quality time together, engaging in deep conversations, or engaging in shared hobbies and interests. Physical touch, such as cuddling, hugging, or holding hands, can also help maintain a sense of closeness and affection.

Remember, intimacy is not solely about sex but about the emotional and physical connection you share with your partner. By nurturing these other forms of intimacy, you can still experience a fulfilling and satisfying relationship even without sexual activity.

5. Explore Compromises and Solutions

When discussing the frequency and quality of sex in a sexless relationship, it is important to explore compromises and potential solutions together. Consider the following:

  • Establishing a mutually agreed-upon frequency of sexual activity that works for both partners

  • Experimenting with new techniques or activities to enhance sexual pleasure and satisfaction

  • Creating a comfortable and inviting bedroom environment that promotes relaxation and intimacy

  • Exploring alternative forms of sexual expression or intimacy, such as sensual massages or role-playing

  • Being open to trying new things and adapting to each other's changing needs and desires

Remember, finding a solution may require ongoing communication, experimentation, and a willingness to adapt. Be patient with each other as you navigate this journey together.


While a sexless relationship can be challenging, it is crucial to address the issue rather than tolerate long-term sexlessness. Open and honest communication, exploring underlying reasons, seeking professional guidance, prioritizing intimacy in different forms, and exploring compromises and solutions are key steps to navigate the frequency and quality of intimacy in a sexless relationship.

Remember, every relationship is unique, and what works for one couple may not work for another. It is essential to find approaches that align with your values, desires, and boundaries as a couple. With patience, understanding, and a commitment to working together, you can find a path that allows you to maintain a fulfilling and satisfying relationship, even without engaging in sexual activity.